Transformers: Age of Extinction…NOT!!

Hey hey hey there ladies and gents. I am back as promised to do two posts this week. I know I said I would do this last week, but in the blog game it’s easy to get in over your own head. Anyways lets get started! This week the first trailer up is Transformers…YES!!!

Alright in the beginning of the trailer we see some dusty hacked up truck getting towed. We find out that it’s getting towed to Mark Wahlberg’s house…oh how I wish to be that truck. Anyway, of course Mark Wahlberg’s character has a name, what it is we don’t know yet but maybe we’ll find out later in the trailer? Alright so then we are introduced to Wahlberg’s character’s daughter…wow that’s annoying to type and read. Wahlberg’s character’s daughter?

Alright IMDB I’m not waiting to hear what his name is, what is it? His name is Cade…Cade? It can’t be come on, Cade? Serisously?! Sounds like someone tried to come up with a cool name and then came up with that. But I digress, lets get back to the trailer.

Now where was I, oh yes. We then see…Cade’s daughter, who is named Tessa. I can handle that. She tells her father that they can’t afford for him to keep hauling in junk. But is it really junk?! Dun dun dun!!! Then Cade tells his daughter that she should be happy him breaking down the truck and stripping it for parts is what is going to pay her tuition…good ‘ol Daddy Cade. Ugh he sounds like a wack pimp. I can’t even! There’s the desperation part of the trailer.

The desperation part is where they show how desperate the characters in the movie are. And yes, I did just use one of the words in the phrase to describe the phrase. Lets call it something else…how about…an Up The Creek Opening. This is the type of opening that shows how desperate or lost a character is. Mainly it’s used to show the desperation of the protagonist and the characters that surround he or she. At other times it involves the antagonist and it usually explains how the character came to be the antagonist.

Here though it’s displaying the protagonist and their situation.

As Cade starts breaking down the truck he finds some weird metal, and then hits pay dirt. He has officially found a transformer…who would have thought that the junk truck wasn’t really a junk truck? Oh I don’t know, maybe anybody. Just anybody. I mean really Mark Wahlberg pulls in some junk truck in a Transformers movie, and you think it’s just a truck? It’s Mark Wahlberg!! In a Transformers movie! I don’t know if the director was trying to get some shock value out of that part, but it isn’t going to happen. I actually would have been more surprised if it wasn’t a Transformer.

Uh oh maybe Cade shouldn’t have brought the truck home? Cade, now I like saying it. It’s weird the name really begins to grow on you after a couple of paragraphs. Anyways, here comes the government in their ominous black Tahoes or whatever generic truck it is. They want Optimus Prime…wait a minute. Does Mark Wahlberg have Optimus Prime in his garage? To me that was the surprise part, what the heck is Optimus Prime doing looking like that?! Who let that happen? It’s a travesty!

Now Cade decides not cooperate with the government. Then one guy throws Cade’s daughter to the ground. Dag calm down there guy, no need to be throwing chicks to the ground like that. Geez. Violence against women is no joke, but I guess the government can get away with it. Clearly the government is supposed to be depicted as some group of close minded barbarians…which of course is no liking to our actual government. Not an ounce of similarity, not even a gram, no way it could be like our government. No not possible. Alright can I stop being sarcastic now? We all got it right?

Alright then we have Kelsey Grammar telling us that the age of the Transformers’ is gone. Like we haven’t heard that before…well we haven’t heard it in such a smooth and comforting voice before. Seriously. It’s Frasier for goodness sake. We then see a Transformer get blasted down by the government. It’s tough to say, but that Transformer didn’t look like a Decepticon to me.

After that we see Bumblebee and couple other of the Autobots, and then we hear Stanley Tucci talk in a condescending tone to the Autobots. You know I always think that as many times as the government talks bad to the Autobots. The Autobots could have said forget it and tried to kill everyone. In fact it makes me respect them even more because they still stick by the humans, after everything they’ve done to them.

Then we get to the good stuff. What was that you were saying Kelsey Grammar and Stanley Tucci I can’t remember after seeing huge ominous spaceships and a Decepticon walking down the street?! Well they might not even be Decepticons…who knows? Well clearly someone with better knowledge than I would know. Anyway it’s  the same story. Humans gain technology, humans turn their back on Autobots, Decepticons or other enemies come to Earth and cause chaos, humans are way in over their heads, and Autobots have to come in and save the day. I think we also see the same Transformer that the government shot down on that boat, kick butt with two parachutes and two guns. You’re welcome human race.

We see large spaceships sucking things up, we hear Stanley Tucci yell like an idiot, and we see Optimus kick some robot dino bootay! The action in this movie looks amazing!! The story is played out, but the action and new dino robots are epic.

Age of extinction…I think not. Age of Awesomeness. This is now an old trailer the new one is out

And it looks like I have to do a review for the new one next week. Or maybe this weekend, but that’s a long shot. Either way I have to do the new one. It’s pretty cool.

June 27th…this movie is mine!

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