The Expendables III: Still Expendable

Alrighty tighty!!! Here we are again. This time we’re doing The Expendables….yay. Not really. Lets dive in!

Alright first up epic music, scaling down buildings, and running while people are shooting at you because you need to lay off the roids. Oh wait that’s not why they’re shooting at him…huh. Really? Seems like a perfectly good reason to shoot at Sylvester Stallone. Oh their shooting at his character? Who is a generic version of Stallone, oh I get it. Moving on.

Jumping out of building, standing on trains when a helicopter is coming at you. Sounds like an amazing generic action movie so far. Lets keep going! Wait a minute…trains ramming through walls?! Dear goodness me!! Terry Crews in a white beater making smart comments?! I’m in awe! Men walking up steps simultaneously in a triangle pattern?! I think my heart is going to burst!! Someone call a doctor!

Those jokes doing anything for you? If the irony isn’t apparent…it should be now. What excited me the most about this trailer was the fact that Antoni Banderas was in it. Really that’s about it. I love Antonio Banderas and in the trailer he looks just as cute as ever. OK and there’s Wesley Snipes, come on. Who can’t love that tax evading son of a gun? I no longer am impressed by Jet Li’s presence in the movie. He got his butt kicked by Dolph Lundgren in the first one. That would never happen in real life!!! Li would destroy Lundgren!!!!

Alright let me just stay on the trailer. There’s everyone else from the original Expendables and then Barney explains that they’re in a new age. Or at least that’s what IMDB explains that Barney explains. So yeah. They’re in an age where the young guns are stepping up with their new fangled technology. Wait a minute, Kelsey Grammar’s in this too? How do you go from Transformers to this crap?! Come on Kelsey! Well maybe he just knows where the cash cows are.

So the new young guns are Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, Glen Powell, and David Ortiz. Amazing. Then Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford have joined the cast. What the heck man?! I never thought Han Solo would drop so low. Now Mel Gibson that’s another story he was already low, really low, like core of the Earth low.

The trailer is the same old expendable crap. Action and big names. That’s it.

No doubt people will go see this, I might catch it on it’s fly to demand or Netflix. Netflix sounds better, and cheaper.

It’s a dude flick. August 15th, watch out!  There’s a load of crap coming your way.


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